so that wasnt chicken after all
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
