Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
