His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
