I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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