I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
