I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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