Yo dont text me then not text me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
