I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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