Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
