You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will be naked everywhere
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
