I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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