the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
