Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
PANTIES FOUND
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