So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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