No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
