Do you still have your period?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
