all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
