last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In America we eat man semen.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
