If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
