You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
