I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
