I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
