How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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