She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
