here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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