craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
