I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
