piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
