reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
