Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
