What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
