dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You just made me feel so damn special
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
