so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
