getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
