i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
