JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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