I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think i have two assholes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
