So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my poor anus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
