I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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