It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
