Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
