i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
