Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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