Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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