they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i've created a new STD.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
