Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
don't judge my taste in strippers
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
