hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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