high people should be assigned attendants
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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