We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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