Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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