You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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