she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
