Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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